Rory Patterson
Staff Writer
We’ve all experienced that moment when you just want to sink into the ground or turn invisible, whether it be from fear or embarrassment. Opossums have the solution for you… playing possum. To play possum means to play dead-as you may have guessed the phrase is derived from the actions of the opossum. Opossums have the unique defense mechanism of going into a state of tonic immobility when threatened, rather than running or fighting back. So, in the spirit of opossums everywhere, here are a few social scenarios in which playing possum is your best bet.
- It’s the big test in Pre-Calc and you totally forgot about it. One might say the best thing to do would be to skip calc. But what if you’re in calc when you remember, therefore you can’t skip without being too obvious about it. Another option would be to take the test knowing you didn’t study, and just hope you can retake it, or by some miracle, pass. But, let’s be honest it’s unlikely you’d pass and having to worry about a retake is no fun. So, the only solution is to play possum. All you have to do is drop to the floor, crumple into a ball, and remain unmoving. Presumably your teacher would then call for help and you’d be taken to the nurse’s office or the hospital if you put on a truly convincing performance. You should aim to be taken to the hospital. If you are taken to the nurse’s office, once you are discovered to be, in fact, still alive, there’s a chance you’d still be made to take the test. Whereas, if you’re brought to the hospital, it is much more likely you wouldn’t have to take the test until the next class at minimum.
- Another scenario in which playing possum is the right course of action, is when you’ve been discovered consuming a friend or family member’s leftovers. We’ve all been there, it’s late at night and nothing in the world could taste better than that leftover lasagna in the fridge that isn’t yours, but you just can’t resist. We all deserve a lasagna now and then. So you quickly microwave the leftovers, or maybe you just eat them cold (this is a judgment free zone), and then the unthinkable happens. The rightful owner of the lasagna catches you in the act. What do you do? Play possum. Now, one might argue that running is a better solution than playing dead, but running in itself is admission of guilt. Is it not? So the reason playing possum is the perfect solution is because the shock of your collapse will make them forget about the lasagna all together (depending on how hungry they are). Now, if you are not caught in the act of actually eating the leftovers but are questioned as to their disappearance, playing possum can also be applied perfectly to this situation.
- Another scenario in which playing possum is essential is one that is perhaps more applicable to opossums rather than people, but still better safe than sorry. When you encounter a wild animal that you would rather have not encountered, playing possum is your best bet. Now, there is something to be said for freezing in place rather than playing dead and crumpling to the floor if the animal has not yet seen you, but if you have been spotted by said creature it’s best not to run as that may ensue you being chased. As someone who has a crippling fear of squirrels, I can tell you that running from that is not the answer, it only frightens the squirrel making them more likely to attack. Now I will say that if you encounter an opossum, playing possum is not the best idea. Not only are opossums far too familiar with playing dead, it may be seen as offensive to play dead in the presence of an opossum, as no one can play possum quite like an opossum.
All in all, life is filled with awkward, uncomfortable and unpleasant situations and though it is important to face one’s fears and challenges head on, there is something to be said for playing possum. After all, it seems to work for the opossum as they remain one of the most populous animals in North America despite its many predators and relatively short life span.
Featured image courtesy of Johnruble
