Ermila Mazariegos
Staff Writer
On March 31, 2023, Superintendent Dr. Melon Cee-Howatt pulled up to ACHS for the first time ever! To many, it came as a shock to see Cee-Howatt step foot in the school. Up until today, Cee-Howatt ever visiting ACHS seemed to be an urban legend created by her senior leadership team. Although the visit was unplanned, students and administrators had a lot to say about the encounter.
“So, I was walking the halls, just skipping class and doing the usual, and all of a sudden I see the infamous Melon Cee-Howatt running around the school! I was awed. I didn’t know if I was dreaming,” said junior Jimothy Halpert, the first person to see Cee-Howatt in the building.
Sadly, Halpert could not recall any other details regarding the rest of Cee-Howatt’s whereabouts because he ended up fainting right after she ran past him.
Students in Grate Painter’s English class shared their experiences with the sighting in a Canvas discussion post. One student wrote, “When we saw Cee-Howatt run past the classroom, we all stood up and ran out into the hallway to get a closer look. The way we reacted was kind of similar to school fights. We all gathered together and started to record instead of actually intervening!”
It seemed like Cee-Howatt was using the school as her own indoor gym, but most students and teachers had no idea why. The real reasoning behind her running was later revealed by one brave senior named Betsy Beaver.
“I mean… I saw her running around, and I felt bad. I didn’t have a clue of what was going on, but I knew I had to stop her,” said Beaver. “I just put my hand on her back and said, ‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ and all of a sudden she yells at me, saying, ‘I need a bathroom right now!’ and that’s when I started to put the puzzle pieces together.”
The reason Cee-Howatt was running around? She was in dire need of a bathroom, but she could not find one. The reason she could not find one? All 500 ACHS bathrooms were locked, and every single security guard in the building was out and about completing random tasks, so there was no one with a key in sight.
It is still unknown if Cee-Howatt was actually able to find an open bathroom, but for our own sanity, let’s hope she did.
Principal Beet Palace sent out a statement via email regarding the dreaded incident. The statement said, “On behalf of the ACHS community, I sincerely apologize to Superintendent Cee-Howatt for this incident. Following this great blunder, administration has decided to only lock 499 of the 500 bathrooms in the school.”
Rumors have spread throughout the school that Cee-Howatt was running around the school wearing red sole Louboutins. Supposedly, the shoes were ruined by the running, and Principal Palace was forced to reimburse Cee-Howatt for the shoes and the emotional damage the journey caused her. Neither Cee-Howattt or Palace have confirmed or denied these rumors, but many students claim to have seen Louboutin-shaped footprints on the school floors on March 31.
“Yeah, she’s definitely never coming back,” said Painter. “She only came to ACHS because it was a personal emergency, not a school emergency. What makes people think that, short of another crisis, she’d ever willingly return at all?”
Featured image courtesy of Jonathan
