Rory Patterson
Staff Writer
Dear Valentine’s Day — eat your heart out. Sincerely, Groundhogs everywhere.
Valentine’s Day can brag all it wants about romance, but when it comes down to it, it’s just a holiday that fuels capitalism and money-making schemes disguised as a celebration of love. Like the heart-shaped chocolates wrapped in pink and red foil they sell at grocery stores the second after Christmas has ended, the idea of you is a lot better than the reality of you.
Valentine’s Day does not deserve all the attention and appreciation it gets. I mean, come on— humans are so emotionally closed off that a day has to be dedicated to appreciating those you love? And the greatest tragedy of the whole thing is the shadow that Valentine’s Day casts over February’s much more important holiday: Groundhog Day, a holiday that represents the beauty of America yet is often unfairly criticized. Therefore, I see it as my duty as Theogony’s resident groundhog staffer to inform you, the American public, about why Groundhog Day deserves much more respect and admiration than Valentine’s Day has ever gotten.
Groundhog Day comes from the tradition of Candlemass (a Christian tradition dating back thousands of years) in which candles were distributed and blessed for the winter. In Germany, the behavior of a badger (although some say it was a hedgehog) was used at Candlemass to determine how long the frigid winter would be.
When German immigrants came to America and settled in what is now the Keystone State, they brought the tradition of Candlemass with them. As neither badgers nor hedgehogs were prevalent in Pennsylvania, the original beast of Candlemass was quickly replaced with the far more superior (and easier to find) marmot— aka the groundhog or, as known more informally, the whistle pig). This importation and adaptation of tradition resulted in what we now know as Groundhog Day. It is just one example of the many traditions that have been brought to America by immigrants, embedding into the very roots of American society.
Since 1887, Groundhog Day celebrations and traditions as we know them today have taken place in Gobbler’s Knob, Pennsylvania. Thousands of Americans flock to Gobbler’s Knob every February 2 to witness Punxsutawney Phil (the most famous of today’s predicting Groundhog) predict whether spring will soon be upon us or winter will continue for six more weeks— which brings me to my second point!
One of my biggest pet peeves is when you people complain about the accuracy of Phil’s prediction. It’s quite unfair to expect 100% accuracy in our prediction for numerous reasons. First, we have no formal training in meteorology. We don’t claim to be experts, so why do you get so up in arms when we make mistakes? And second, the conditions we are subjected to are appalling— how accurately would you be able to answer questions if someone pulled you out of your bed into the cold by the scruff of your neck, in front of 40,000 people? I don’t think you’d be so accurate— heck, I’d be surprised if you were able to answer the question at all and not just sit there dumbfounded and freezing.
All I’m saying is that I’d like a little more respect and a little more celebration. Yes, it’s true that thousands of people gather together every year in the freezing cold to hear the prediction of a fellow groundhog, but we, the groundhogs, don’t get greeting cards, candy, flowers (not to mention jewels). Indeed, we barely get more than a day of recognition, and then we’re back to being pesky rodents that dig up your gardens. Meanwhile, Valentine’s Day gets nearly the whole month of February, even after the 14th has passed, with endless sales and savings on leftover candy and balloons. I must also bring up the fact that Valentine’s Day gives a platform to the violent, irresponsible and fictional character that is Cupid. Groundhogs, for one, aren’t fictional, and two. don’t go around shooting people with arrows.
Overall, Valentine’s Day is a holiday that teaches the untrue lesson that love can only be shown through the gifting of chocolates, diamonds and roses; idolizes a reckless and fictional cherub; and breeds pain and jealousy instead of love. Groundhog Day, on the other hand, honors both change and tradition; teaches one to find both the hope to inspire a joyous spring and the hope to outlast the darkest winter; and all while celebrating the majesty of the marmot (so maybe I’m biased). Long live the Groundhog!
Sincerely,
Groundhogs everywhere
Featured image courtesy of Alan Freed/shutterstock.com
