Ethan Gotsch
Editor
On March 14, Alexandria City Public Schools Superintendent Dr. Gregory Hushings, Jr. advised members of the ACPS School Board against talking to media outlets, citing instances of comments being taken out of context that may mischaracterize the intentions of the school board as a whole. Hushings said all media questions should be forwarded to the communications team and other staff members.
Despite this warning, Theogony invited School Board members to participate in a panel discussion to get their opinions on this new media prohibition as well as other ACPS topics. Surprisingly, many members agreed to participate.
Theogony: Thank you all for being here today. I’d like to start with School Board Member Will E. Bailey. What is your opinion about the new media policy?
Bailey: I’m not taking questions now.
Theogony: Then why are you here?
Bailey: Can’t answer that.
Theogony: Okay, let’s move on to School Board Member Tammy Ignoringyou. We often hear the statement, “Once a Titan, always a Titan.” What do those words mean to you?
Ignoringyou: That’s a slippery slope. No comment.
Theogony: Well, I see some of you are taking this guidance from Dr. Hushings quite seriously. School Board Member Abdel-Rahman Elyesbi, I know you had some concerns about this media guidance from Hushings because, as an elected official, you have a responsibility to communicate with your constituents. So let me ask you this: “Secret Garden” or “Old Hollywood” for this year’s prom theme?
Elyesbi: [consulting his ACPS policy guide] While I cannot answer decisively at this time, know that equity continues to play a pivotal role in the decision-making process.
Theogony: That sounds like a vote for Secret Garden. Let’s try a real softball question and see how that goes. School Board Member Jacinta Greene. Your last name is Greene, and you often wear the color green. Is it safe to say that you are a fan of green?
Greene: Please don’t put words in my mouth.
Theogony: My apologies. Let’s move on. School Board Member Muffled Rief. What are your goals for the 2022-2023 school year?
Rief: That has been asked and answered.
Theogony: Could you briefly review your plans for those who aren’t aware?
Rief: You’re playing a semantics game, and I’m not playing.
Theogony: Wow, we are really striking out today. School Board Member Ashley Silent Baird, you’re new to the school board, and I’m sure you have a lot to say. What advice do you have for ACPS students?
Baird: I will not cut corners in the interest of public curiosity.
Theogony: This is getting ridiculous. Chairwoman Meagan Stallderton, how can you allow this kind of gag order to stand? You all are elected officials, and ACPS parents and students have a right to know what’s going on.
Stallderton: I understand your frustration. I really do.
Theogony: Finally, thank you Chairwoman Stallderton. So here is my question: Does ACPS believe in equity for all?
Stallerderon: I can neither confirm nor deny that information.
Theogony: Well, I guess that concludes our School Board, or should I say our Silent Board, panel discussion.
