The holidays are about bringing the family together and enjoying what you have. Too much of a good thing, however, can easily become a bad thing. It is easy to get bored of sitting through another argument about politics, kids throwing food at each other and your grandfather putting yet another serving of mashed potatoes onto your plate (love you Granddad.) When you need to get away from it all, use these foolproof tips on how to hide from your family during the holidays.
Tip #1: Pretend you are going to the bathroom and stay there for the next five hours
Yell “occupied” every time someone knocks on the door and flush the toilet several times so it seems realistic, then panic when the toilet gets clogged from all the flushing and the water starts to rise. Hide from the toilet by climbing in the bathtub because you never learned how to deal with the responsibilities of the problems that you create. Remember to make sure you have service and a portable charger so you can look at your phone while you hide in the bathtub with the lights off.
Tip #2: Hide under the table with your favorite cousin (we all have one)
Both of you bring your phones so you have something to look at. If anyone tries to get near you hiss at them and/or scratch. Send one of you periodically to get plates of mashed potatoes so you have nourishment to support you (thanks Granddad). However, this tip will not be as effective if you are over the age of 9 because you may not fit under the table anymore. In this scenario, your best bet is to go back to the bathroom (remember to bring a plunger this time).
Tip #3: Bring earmuffs
If none of these (very good) tips work, then go the simpler route, just wear earmuffs/headphones. The weather is getting colder…ish, so it will be the perfect time to wear them without any suspicion. Become a fashion icon while still drowning out the arguments over who is parenting their children better and your grandparents’ questions of college and what you are going to do with your life.
Bonus tip: Buy the fluffy version of the headphones for a fashionable flair. Awe your family with an amazing decision of what to spend your college savings on.
Bonus+ tip: Bring a second pair of earmuffs for your favorite cousin so you can drown out the world with another person.
Tip #4: Distract everyone by yelling that dessert is ready, then run out the door
Run down the road to escape into the woods and live among the wolves. Try and climb a tree to get service (just in case bring a portable charger so you can try to watch Anime) and try not to fall and/or break your bones. Don’t get eaten by a bear (This one is important). In order to achieve not getting eaten by a bear, bring some mashed potatoes to distract it and then run away.
Note: This is recommended as a last resort tip because of the consequences it might yield.
