By Hunter Langley and Lauren Larsen
Despite the most successful football campaign in 30 years, Alexandria City Public Schools (ACPS) has decided that T.C. Williams football needs a reboot. Even though the team is tight knit and works extremely well as a unit, ACPS has decided to invest $40,000 in Kagan training for the football team. Any player or coach that does not enthusiastically embrace these structures will be cut or fired.
“If the game of football won’t change to be more inclusive and bring a more family style atmosphere, we have to change the game!” said Superintendent Gregory Hutchings. T.C. football will be a different breed going into the next season.
The offensive line, which in the past has not been inclusive for smaller thin people, will now contain “shoulder partners.” The coaches will rotate in people of all shapes and sizes to provide a more diverse atmosphere.
Former freshman slot receiver Reese “Tackling Dummy” Jones is going to be the far left shoulder partner going into next season. “I am so excited to make a bunch of friends on other teams in the district! I wonder what feelings the 4 star Michigan commit from Mount Vernon wants to share during the game,” said Jones.
One of the many changes installed in the program is the removal of huddles. Huddles in the past were not an ideal place to exchange thoughts and feelings, so they will now be switched to learning circles where players can express their views and opinions in an interactive way.
Principal Peter Balas said, “In the past, the quarterback was too demanding of the players. There needs to be more cooperation between the players so everyone can be a star.”
Any players struggling with this sense of personal definition and self-worth can take part in the team’s restorative circles where they can gather around and boost each other’s confidence and self-esteem.
“Although we care greatly about the physical health of our players, especially after a rough and hard-fought game,” said Athletic Director James Parker, “their emotional health needs to be A-OK.”
The dream of every fat person is to score a touchdown. Now, they can choose whatever number they want to identify as, including an eligible number that allows them to play those positions usually held by faster people.
Former head coach Jimbo Longerbeam said, “I cannot wait to see former defensive linemen John Kanu play running back in a crop top number five next season!”
Instead of Board Drills, there will be a much better alternative. You may have seen Titan learning mats in classrooms. Well, you will now see them out on the football field! Players will each be divided into four groups. They will do a round robin exercise and share one thing they learned from last practice!
It will be an absolutely fantastic opportunity for players to learn from their mistakes in a positive way to prepare for the next game! Defensive line coach Charles Phillips said, “What the heck is this; it sounds like some skill position nonsense! What ever happened to body on body football?”
More than that, the coaches will also be explaining plays in a different way. They will use the Kagan structure Jot Thoughts with stars for offensive players and hearts for defensive ones instead of X’s and O’s.
Even at the pre-game meal, players will now do a Stand Up, Hand Up, Pair Up structure. They will get up, high five a player, and say three nice put-ups to put the team in a positive head space.
The school system and the Athletic Department hope that these implementations will make the team more engaged and interactive. Hall of Fame coach Bill Parcells once said, “The only way to keep the sport of football successful is by using Kagan principles.”
