By Norah Ludke and Abigail Ernst
Everyone knows that birds are spies for the government. What you might not know is that the birds are trying to infiltrate T.C.
You may have noticed birds flying around the T.C. halls and heard the teachers say that they flew in by accident. They are wrong. The birds know exactly what they are doing. They flew in to gather information on T.C. students.
“I cannot believe that spy birds are in our school,” T.C. senior Lauren Farquaad said. “The government has gone too far.”
There have been many strange happenings at T.C. that prompted the government to keep an eye on the students and staff of T.C. The CIA attempted to send in undercover human spies disguised as students, but the students at T.C. uncovered their plot quickly.
“I know the spy birds pretty well, they are chill,” said T.C. junior Babs Burberry, “I’m homies with some of them.”
So far, the birds have been unable to successfully infiltrate the school. This school year, there were three attempts to get the spies into the building. All three attempts were foiled by our very professional security guards who were able to get the birds out of the school before they gathered any information.
Some students do not believe that the government is spying on them and claim it is just a “far fetched conspiracy.” They believe that the teachers and administrators are spreading this rumor to get us to behave.
“There is no way that the birds are spies,” T.C. freshman Joey Maloney said. “I mean, birds are too cute to be cameras!”
Many T.C. students are worried about this new development and are scrambling for information on what to do. Students are more cautious, and the hallways are mysteriously quiet.
“I don’t understand why people are so concerned,” said senior Big Ed Skrowbaczeski. “It’s just a bird that works for the government, like any government worker.”
Theogony decided to investigate these claims. We interviewed officials from the CIA and even got a quote from one of the birds.
We asked the CIA and the bird what their intentions were and why they needed to gather information on the students of T.C. When questioned about their opinion on the conspiracy, they both had different answers.
The CIA and the government had denied all claims of this conspiracy. They insist that there is no possible way for birds to be robot-camera-spies.
“Who said we were watching the school?” CIA Agent Fred Mallick said. “How did they find out? Wait don’t put that!”
The birds chirped in the trees over the school. Their chirping can be translated to: “We will infiltrate the school. You cannot hide from our army, we are everywhere. We are the birds.”
Keeping this information in mind, it is important to remember that you need to remember that anyone can be watching you at any time. Help us fight for the freedom and privacy of our nation by exposing the birds.
