Kiran Pippin-Mathur
The sudden advisory change has had students scrambling to get to their class and confused about where to go.
Worry no more, because the Beet has expert insight into what the schedule will be next week and has decided to share it with the public (you’re welcome in advance):
Monday: Rotate to your last year’s 3rd period.
Tuesday: Go to your fourth period unless you have a last name with five letters in it and are wearing an article of clothing that is red or orange, in that case, go to your fifth period.
Wednesday: At exactly 7:30, treck across the sands of the Sahara desert, swing through the Amazon Rainforest, and climb up Mount Everest to visit the shrine that lives at the top of the world. Knock three times on the limestone door and answer two riddles about the meaning of the universe. Once the door opens, approach the oracle and offer the Kagan worksheet that you never filled out as a gift, the oracle will lean forward and whisper in your ear, “all next week is another study hall in first period.” Don’t worry, no one will see the tears.
Thursday: Occasionally, go to your tenth period by traveling to the fourth dimension through that weird portal that opened in the middle of town (is that normal?)
Friday: Rotate to your assigned bus, down the road, and into your home.
