By Sam O. Wingfield and Griffin Harris
In a letter mailed to students in late August, T.C. Williams announced that the City of Alexandria will charge student-drivers $120 to park on Chinquapin Drive for the 2017-18 school year, a departure from the free parking of years past. The Beet recently obtained a memorandum detailing new fiscal policy originally sent to select City employees. The full message is as follows:
Dear City Employee,
Alexandria City, due to a serious budget miscalculation, needs to recover $2,000,000 of lost revenue. Fortunately, the City Council and the Budget Office have devised a plan to earn back these funds. Over the next few months, the City will roll out a series of charges on T.C. Williams students. First, students who park on Chinquapin Drive, city property, must purchase a $120 permit. The City anticipates that this will not be well received, but students will comply out of necessity. It will allow the City to ease into more fiscally efficient policy, which is listed below:
- Effective October 1, students must pay a $10 fee to attend each class. Students who do not pay will receive an out-of-school suspension for no less than ten days and will be fined $200 for the suspension. Students suspended three times will be publicly shamed at pep rallies. (Pep rally attendance is mandatory and costs $100 per student.)
- Effective October 5, all backpacks on T.C. Williams property must be licensed. Licenses can be purchased for $50 at the ACPS central office.
- Effective October 10, students must pay $5 to ask a teacher a question in class.
- Effective November 1, students will be charged $20 to watch a fight on school property. This includes all students within the vicinity of any physical altercation at any time. The loser(s) of each fight must pay $50 and will be suspended. The winner(s) will only be suspended. (Yes, that suspensions equals a $200 fine.)
- Effective November 15, T.C. Williams toilets will be coin-operated. Students, faculty, and staff who choose to use the bathroom must pay $2 for number two and $1 for number one in quarters, deposited in a slot above the flush handle.
- Effective January 1, certain hallways will be designated “toll hallways.” Students can pay $200 per year for access to such hallways. These hallways will provide quicker transport in an increasingly overcrowded school.
- Effective February 1, tear gas will be disseminated through air vents in T.C. Williams. Students may purchase gas masks beginning the same date for $1000 or may rent on a day-to-day basis for $50.
Please prepare to enforce the aforementioned policies accordingly.
Cordially,
Geoffrey Cleaver
Alexandria City Manager